Putting the Project(-ile Vomit) Back into Project Runway

So Kara Saun didn't win. I can't say I'm not surprised. I thought she'd take it all the way. Her designs aren't my cup of herbal tea (milk Splenda, please), but she's the golden child of that cast.

Jay, on the other hand, is quite talented and as the judges said in their deliberation, she -- I mean he -- is a true artiste. He lives in a hut in the middle of Pennsylvania with no running water or electricity. He has elves stitch his clothes for him, and his only source of nourishment is some residual tree bark left by M. Nature from the old elm in the back.

Wendy Pepper, on the other hand, is a bitch. I didn't see it until tonight. I always thought she was just hormonal. Now I know she's just whore-moan-al.

For next season, I'd like to see a cast of characters not unlike this year's group. Austin Scarlet O'Hara International Airport was quite a treat. He's, what do the kids say, a faggot. Yes, a faggot. That's it. His designs were nothing short of biblical and neither the judges nor the other contestants knew what to expect from him. Had he been in the final three, I'm sure he would have managed to surprise us all with his luxurious rabbit furr jackets. Only the rabbits would still be alive. Oh, how La Boeheme of him. I mean her.

I hope Wendy Pepper opens her store in Virginiasburg Lake, Virginia. She should remain in the design industry, though perhaps not in fashion. I think a signature line of Wendy Pepper swastika armbands would be pretty. Toss the traditional red, black and white color scheme for something more autumnal, like blood, bile and vomit.

Until next season -- during which Heidi Klum better be replaced by someone with a heart and upper lip -- we'll have to settle for the normal gay programming on Bravo. Showdog Moms and Dads premieres in March. I can't wait.

Aufweidershnitzelziegheil,
Ben T. Shirt

My New Profession

Hurt in a nuclear explosion? Call William Nuclear Explosion.

This Is Why I Don't Get Vaginas or: Why I Don't Get Men Who Get Vaginas: The Musical

http://www.kaufmanns.com/gifts/OnlineShopping/KF?DSP=4&PCR=19:10030&IID=115911&c=1


Homos, 1. Straights, 0.

Auntie Em, Auntie Em...

Do you ever confuse "tornado season" with "tomato season"?

Me neither.

Fee Fi Foh Foah.... Noah

In the momentary lapse this morning during which I fell out of sleep, somewhere around 10:20 a.m., it was Noah Wylie who was on my television screen. He was a guest on the Ellen DeHilarious show -- for the fourth time this month. I did not expect this, since my trusty TiVo on-screen guide had outlined today's episode as featuring Simon Cowell.

I am not only disgruntled because my TV did not turn itself off last night before I went to sleep, but also because who isn't sick of seeing Noah Wylie get all the attention on daytime TV? I'm serious. He's on a shitty show that should have ended six years ago when the bed-swapping doctors were actually practicing medicine; not trying to navigate the Congo while shepherding a group of inner-city school children on a field trip which was made possible through a grant from the emergency room's canned soup-label drive. Also, tsunamis and earthquakes do NOT occur simultaneously in downtown Chicago hospital emergency rooms. They just don't. (Only during Sweeps, I guess.)

I'm sick of seeing Noah on Ellen's show every time someone cancels or is bumped a day. No one watches your show, Noah. And no one cares that you used to do more physical comedy, back when you were the intern for Batman and his bald tool buddy. I think I'd rather be under his care in the fake ER than actually watch him again.

Go back to your ark, Noah.

I gotta go find something to do. Later.

The Worst Show Ever

VH1, take note: I like the '70s. I do not love the '70s.

John Mayer Should Get Diseased

Third-cousins be good to your half-brothers, and mothers be good to your sisters-in-law. Great aunts become lovers, and ex-husbands become something-or-others. So sisters be good to your great uncles-once removed too. Bitch.