I just changed the channel and fell upon "The View," where upon I heard upon Barbara Walters say upon hearing Meredith say something about semen, upon: "Premature ejaculation IS part of the orgasm."
That's a view I never thought I'd get. Keep it closed, Barbara. Stick to topics you know about, like Fidel's favorite Estefan song and what kind of tree Katie Hepburn is.
Good lord!
17.5.05
TiVo for the TiVo-challeneged: The Ellen Degeneres Show (5/17/05)
10:00 a.m.
On today's Ellen Degeneres show, Brit and KFed made their first (live) television appearance together. It was the most uninteresting thing ever. E------VER. He's even more of a complete idiot than we had previously known. He talks quieter than a dead person and she just curls his hair with her finger. When asked what he likes about her, what attracted her to him, all he can come up with is, "I don't know. She's fun." Ellen then asks her the same question, to which she replies, "The same."
10:35 a.m.
Then the Backstreet Boys made their first-ever (auu mahh gauuudd! their first eeeevah!!!) appearance on the show, singing their newest "hit" (because that's what they're legally obligated to call it) called "I'm Gay" or something or other. One of them was playing the piano, though I could have sworn I caught him in a Ashlee moment. I never knew piano-synching was still relevant in today's pop/rock/punk/pop industry. Another one -- the blond one who was banging Paris until she dumbed his 11-year-old ass -- ended the song on the floor. I thought he was having a heart attack. Maybe he finally heard the notes they were whining -- I mean singing.
10:48 a.m.
In a featured clip from Chaotic, the new reality show premiering tonight, Britney asks her fiancee what he thinks about marriage, and he shoots back with "Uhhhhggggh (agitated) ... uhhh, love is love." Well as long as you're committed to the relationship, KFed. Go back to your Big Gulp and man-tan.
10:49 a.m.
After the break, Britney and KFed are back to receive the baby gift Ellen has for them. Maybe it's a gift certificate for a better marriage.
10:50 a.m.
Hahahaha, oh no, it's even better. Ellen has a deluxe baby carriage with rims and neon undercarraige lights (haha, undercarraige), it even has a built-in DVD player. Babies? Neon? Yay! I'm going to get an STD tonight!
10:56 a.m.
Oh, it looks like they're back to sing one of their actual "hits." This one is "I Want It That Way," the once proposed theme song to Burger King's cheeseburger ad campaign. I'd like mine flame broiled, please. The guys, that is, not my burger. Wow, they've never sucked so much singing a shitty pop song, and that's saying a lot.
10:59 a.m.
Woops! TiVo accidentally cuts out in the middle of their big hit. Oh well, I wanted it that way anyway.
On today's Ellen Degeneres show, Brit and KFed made their first (live) television appearance together. It was the most uninteresting thing ever. E------VER. He's even more of a complete idiot than we had previously known. He talks quieter than a dead person and she just curls his hair with her finger. When asked what he likes about her, what attracted her to him, all he can come up with is, "I don't know. She's fun." Ellen then asks her the same question, to which she replies, "The same."
10:35 a.m.
Then the Backstreet Boys made their first-ever (auu mahh gauuudd! their first eeeevah!!!) appearance on the show, singing their newest "hit" (because that's what they're legally obligated to call it) called "I'm Gay" or something or other. One of them was playing the piano, though I could have sworn I caught him in a Ashlee moment. I never knew piano-synching was still relevant in today's pop/rock/punk/pop industry. Another one -- the blond one who was banging Paris until she dumbed his 11-year-old ass -- ended the song on the floor. I thought he was having a heart attack. Maybe he finally heard the notes they were whining -- I mean singing.
10:48 a.m.
In a featured clip from Chaotic, the new reality show premiering tonight, Britney asks her fiancee what he thinks about marriage, and he shoots back with "Uhhhhggggh (agitated) ... uhhh, love is love." Well as long as you're committed to the relationship, KFed. Go back to your Big Gulp and man-tan.
10:49 a.m.
After the break, Britney and KFed are back to receive the baby gift Ellen has for them. Maybe it's a gift certificate for a better marriage.
10:50 a.m.
Hahahaha, oh no, it's even better. Ellen has a deluxe baby carriage with rims and neon undercarraige lights (haha, undercarraige), it even has a built-in DVD player. Babies? Neon? Yay! I'm going to get an STD tonight!
10:56 a.m.
Oh, it looks like they're back to sing one of their actual "hits." This one is "I Want It That Way," the once proposed theme song to Burger King's cheeseburger ad campaign. I'd like mine flame broiled, please. The guys, that is, not my burger. Wow, they've never sucked so much singing a shitty pop song, and that's saying a lot.
10:59 a.m.
Woops! TiVo accidentally cuts out in the middle of their big hit. Oh well, I wanted it that way anyway.
13.5.05
An Apple a Day Keep the Daylight Away
I can't stop using the Dashboard feature on the new Apple Tiger. I also can't stop calling it Apple LeTigre.
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